My dearest Frankie,
You’re getting bigger and more beautiful everyday. I love looking into those bright eyes and smelling your perfectly round head full of hair . Today at bath time, we traded in your usual classical music playlist for some good ole Sondre Lerche and we danced to along to it. I caught a glimpse of us in the bedroom mirror- you and me, Frankie and Mommy. Your pretty eyes looking straight at me, your mother, who had a big goofy grin on her face and a messy bun. For a second there, I wonder what you’re thinking. I hope you think I’m pretty cool.
I sometimes can’t believe I’m your mom. I can’t believe how you were once a tiny seed in my tummy. I look back at life before you and cannot help but snicker at my over dramatic old self, one that once mourned the freedom that came with being baby free. I look down at you sleeping soundly on my chest and think about how genuinely uninterested I am in a life without you. You are worth every sacrifice.
You are beautiful my love and perfect in every way. I love my new reality- one that involves changing your nappies, feeding you, singing to you, dancing with you, laughing at all the funny faces you make, holding you close to my heart.
Today, this afternoon, right now, in this sunlight-drenched room in our little corner of the world, you nap peacefully in my arms, your little cheeks buried in my chest. I watch the rise and fall of your tummy , giggle at the funny cooing sounds you make and I write about this moment, capturing it forever, before it becomes but a memory. Before you’ll one day learn how to run and climb things, before it gets hard to pin you down for a snuggle, before you stop being a little baby and in a blink of an eye become a young lady-before all of that happens, I will hold you.
For now, I will let some dishes remain unwashed, emails unanswered and laundry stay unhung. Because for now, I will hold you and wonder what you dream about as you smile in your sleep.
There are a thousand more squats to be done before I somehow get back into pre-pregnancy shape, there are meals I need to learn how to cook for your dad, projects and a growing to-do list glaring straight at me from my computer, but these things can wait. Because for now, I will hold you and take in the scent of your milky breath . For now, I will laugh about how you keep your mouth half open when you sleep, just like me. For now, I will hold you and keep you close to my heart, in this moment, for as long as I can.
In a few days, you’ll be a month old, a month into this world, this life. A month out of babyhood and a month closer to becoming a little girl. Not long after, these months will roll out into years and you will get bigger and more beautiful.
So for now, I will hold you- now that we still have little eternities like this to ourselves, in the form of quiet Tuesday afternoons. I will hold you, tell you I love you and continue to let you sleep in my arms. You will always be my baby girl. This little wrinkle in time is ours.